sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
