theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
