people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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