no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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