I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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