Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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