ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
