If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
