just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
