k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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