You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
