He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
