By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
