I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
