Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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