i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
