I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
