I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
