So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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