but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize