i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
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