I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
