I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
