question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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