Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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