I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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