My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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