new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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