So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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