if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
