I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
