I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
