Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
home. puking in laundry basket.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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