dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
