In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
