the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
