i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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