What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
