dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
