you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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