Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
