idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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