It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
