Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
