Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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