The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
