I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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