life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
