Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
