I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
