they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
