Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
